Hope
We are all members of the Human race and as one, I realize that we all have asperations, hopes, dreams and ideals that we strive to attain. Some hope to become a doctor or achieve a high postion in society, yet others simply hope to have a house with a yard and money in the bank. My hopes are quite simple compared to these really. Hope is the one thing that has kept many a person alive in dark times, and is one of the few things that I still retain in the darkness that I dwell in. A proverbial/metaphorical light that I can focus on. It keeps me going even when times are tough. It allows me to dream of a better day, for both me and my children.
Life is a hard experience especially in the cold wasteland where I live. Happiness is a rarity as well, thats why it’s valued so much. The experiences that I have gone through, while definitely not singular by any means, are quite scarring to say the least. I have seen a few of my friends, commit suicide over the mere fact that they have lost their children. No attention is given to these Men or the root problem of it all whatsoever. My point in all this is that they lost their hope. There was no point in going on for them anymore, so they chose the cold embrace of Death and its merciful release from the burden of Life. I cling to my Hope, that one day this nightmare will all be over. That one day, I will be able to talk to my Sons about their lives, and relate to them why I wasn’t there for them when they needed me. I stubbornly refuse to let go of their memory, and in my mind they are still the children they were when I was ripped away from them and was forced to be a slave.
So many people take their children for granted. All I have left is memories of little feet running around me, the constant laughter of my children, and precious moments that constantly flash through my mind. Moments like when they first said my name and called me Da. Moments when they told me they “wuved” me as I put them to bed. These are the few things that keep me going. Sometimes I wonder if women dangle out hope like they do our children, to do just that, to keep us going so we can pay their bills for them. Ahh well it is inevitable, a part of the human condition to hope as well as to hate.
I don’t know what I will do if this moment occurs, but I do hope that, that moment in the future will happen. Perhaps one day, I too will recieve a hug and hear the words “Father, I am home.”
-Strength and Honor-
October 11th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Don’t you fucking dare quit on us!
We need you, your son needs you. We need your experiance and your voice. Yes we know how women use the children against us, it happens every day, but we can never give up the fight.
After my divorce, my ex told me she would never let me see my son again. She filed paper after paper with the courts, filled with lies about me, I wont bother repeating her accusations, but they were monsterous.
Just before my divorce, my ex tells me: “I love you more than you love me”. Can you believe that shit! That was her reason for taking away my little boy.
Guess what, I went thru hell, just like you are. I got my first of 2 DUI’s right after she left. I had only just started schooling for my career in Architecture. I had a long road ahead. Now, here I am 10 years later, I have a great career, and I have had custody of my son for 6 of those years!
Thats right, I never gave up. I paid my support and lived out of my car the first few years. I kept talking to my son, reassuring him that it’s not his fault and that everything would be fine. I kept my word. My son is now a very stable young man, and it was worth the pain to get him there.
Good luck brother, you are not alone!
October 11th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
I will never stop Dutch. I figure that I may not benefit from any of this, however my sons will. They will at least be allowed to see their children and raise them.
I have walked a hard and long road as well and I know it’s far from over by far. My question is WHY? This system produces nothing more than pain, loss, and agony for hundreds of thousands if not millions of people (a majority of which are Men) around the world. I thank you for your words and your kindness. I know I am not alone, however it is nice to hear it every now and again.
-Strength and Honor-
June 1st, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Great words, Ultimate strength rises when we are at our lowest points, find that that strength and everything else in life becomes so very easy……