Women in their ignorance and hubris have forgotten many things about both Men and themselves. They forget in essence what they are and what our purpose is. They would much rather ignore that elephant in the living room than come to grips with the questions and answers that they themselves have raised within the past 40 years.

For the most part they only consider themselves, (it is their nature I think) and in doing so that’s how they perceive us. They look upon us as inferior beings, sexually depraved monsters, ignorant cavemen, sperm donors, deficient parents, animals, idiots, you name it I have heard, seen and experienced it firsthand.

In experiencing this my own perceptions have changed as well. This I think is very simply cause and effect. All one has to do is read. For example, case in point; it is considered well enough for a woman to leave a man with “her” children. Leave him to rot in a ditch and charge him for the trouble. God forbid that he falls behind on those payments in the ditch. He might be arrested and thrown in a place that actually feeds, clothes, and bathes him, charged for that and then charged for the time that he was in there, because he didn’t “support” his “children” (or the state that threw him in there in the first place). When he gets out (if he does) he will be thrown directly back into gaol for his “contempt” which equals his “crimes of debt”.

He will be scorned, cast out and refused state or federal funding of almost any sort. He will be charged for everything that he does (rent, utilities, food, ectera, ectera) and all the while ridiculed and taxed for it. He will be called a deadbeat and a loser. His loss will never be recognized except on a singular level with his peers. It will be considered by the whole of society to be his “responsibility”, not his loss. He will never be recognized as a parent except by those that he knows.

All the while we hear women, feminists, the media, society and any other ignorant parasite that has enough time to do so harp on and on about how Men are failing, irresponsible, dangerous and untrustworthy. How we are the ones that are solely responsible for this situation that has presented itself.

Now shall we journey to the other side of the page/coin? Do we even have to (Men that is)? I think we should for the sake of “equality”.

It is now legal in almost every state of this Union for a woman to abandon her child at these places within 30 days of her giving birth; A post office, a police station, or a fire station.

It is now legal for a woman to have an abortion at almost any stage of her pregnancy without the fathers consent to do so.

It is now legal for a woman to give up a child for adoption without the knowledge or consent of the father. Even with the advent of DNA technology, which I might add is used more often in criminal proceedings than actually proving or encouraging fatherhood (at least in my view).

It is now legal in quite a few states for a woman to charge a Man to pay for a child that is not his at all. Apparently we are a “default” settlement.

It is now legal for a woman that earns 50,000 $ a year to charge a Man that earns 25,000 $ a year “child support.

I am sure there are more than several other examples of feminist/gynocentric hypocrisy. List them if you like, however all I ask is that you look upon what I have shown you and cast your own judgement.

How laughable this all really is if it wasn’t so serious I suppose. Women constantly wonder why Men are so “commitment-phobic”. I just wonder why they even bother to think at all.

-Strength and Honor-

Feminism has always been ignorant of cause and effect, or at least from a Male point of view. I seriously doubt they even entertain the idea that there’s a wellspring of collective male rage that is starting to find its focus and the focus I do believe will hold them in its regard for a goodly while. I certainly believe that in my lifetime I will see the collapse of feminism in it’s current form. It is certainly my hope that this is so and I believe that much of it will have to do with the collective rage that many Men feel about both feminism and female attitudes of Men.

Governmental policies enacted upon male behavior doesn’t help either. When exactly did it become a crime to do masculine things? Why are Men serving time in prison for things that women hardly get a slap on the wrist for? These policies all serve to further Mens collective rage, and might I add, direct it and focus it torwards the ones at fault.

This rage is in my belief the natural reaction to an undeclared war upon Men and Masculinity. After a certain point (critical mass) it becomes uncontrollable and unstoppable. There are several names that humanity has given this; chaos, revolution, genocide, anarchy, ect, ect.

When women express their rage socially a few liquor stores get burnt down, perhaps a few riots in the streets occur, minor things in the span of time really.

When Men express their rage socially, bad things almost always happen. Societies are either reformed, or collapse entirely. Mass graves are dug and filled. Whole royal family lines are executed just to name a few examples.

Women and society fear unrestricted Male rage and rightly so, it is a destructive force that has fomented the ability to destroy entire planets, it is something that has wiped out entire societies. It is also a force that has created societies that embrace democracy, or at least the illusion thereof. Much of it is based upon a sense of right and wrong, but some isn’t I agree. So why do they cause it? Why do they seek its existence through their own actions in this day and age? My answer would be: Hubris, arrogance, and ignorance simply put. Many of them are ignorant of history, and simply think that something like that could never happen to them, and think they have everything under control.

Let me be the first to explain to you ladies out there that you have absolutely nothing under control. As a matter of fact I think that things are spiraling out of control faster and faster year by year. You have no idea what rage is to a Man, nor will you ever. This is why society fears Men, not women. Women can be bought off with a few additions to the social budget, Men will settle with nothing less than exactly what they want.

A little history lesson for all of you ladies out there. The prisons are full of Men. A majority of which women have raised badly, if at all. The prisons are filling up with Men that have failed to pay for “their” children as well. Debt slavery is on the rise. 80% of the homeless are Men as well last time I checked. 92% of all disputed custody battles are won by women. How about you try doing the math for a second. To me it adds up to a bad scene. Nothing good can come of this at all.

To paraphrase Steven Kings writing in his book The Stand I address the Feminists forthwith:

Ladies of the gender, radical and independent segments of the feminist movement, my name is Abaddon and I am here to tell you that, like the words to the old song, it’s still the same old song and dance and that the fundamental things still apply. Like Darwin for example. The next time you stand and proclaim the SCUM manifesto or perhaps regard the works of Andrea Dworkin as the gospel of the next century chew on these thoughts for a minute: Feminism is dying and will be dead within a short period of time, much like Margaret Sanger, , Susan B. Anthony, and Andrea Dworkin, but the principles first propounded by Mr. Darwin are still very much alive. While you are meditating on the beauties of child support slavery, no-fault divorce, alimony, reduced penalties for female criminals, the advent of a matriarchy, and other frivolous things spare a thought for the Men of the West. I doubt that many of these Men have time for such fripperies as public meetings, ramifications, court dates, and the true meaning of both Manhood and Fatherhood in its purest sense.

Instead he is focusing upon his basics, his Darwin if you will. Preparing to wipe the great Formica counter of the Western political scene with your dead political action committees. Ladies let me modestly suggest that while you are frantically searching for more lies and half-truths to unveil about the horrors of Masculinity for your happy little lesbian hive, he is wholeheartedly committing his survival and resources to himself alone. While you debate the burning question of if Men are necessary, he is already finding ways to eliminate you from his life and finances with minimal risk. While you continue to force anti-male legislation down his throat, steal his children and money from him with government approval. Ha, Ha, of course we know this government doesn’t approve of destroying families, that’s what makes this country great, ha ha what family? You should realize that while you’re busy pulling your wagons in a circle, he is busy ensuring his survival, without you.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

-Strength and Honor-

My children walk this world without me. I as well walk this world without them. We are Lost, and looking for each other. The agony and loss that this separation creates is undefinable, it cannot be put into words. I think we all can agree that the situation itself has been created, however why is the question correct?

I will be the first to tell you that I am not a perfect person. I am far from it. I have done things that I wish I could take back (that have nothing to do with my children). This doesn’t change anything. This doesn’t change the the fact that I was and still am a loving Father. This doesn’t change the fact that I owe nothing to the woman that bore my seed. I will also be the first to tell you that I was a Father, and still wish to be. My wishes have been denied, simply because I am a Man. I have proven my worth as a Parent, for the last five years. It is only when a woman has decided that I am unworthy, that I am not allowed to be a part of my childrens life.

Do you people understand what happens when you create a Lost Man/Child? Look torwards the ghettos for your answer Ladies and Gents. Look to the policies and practices that cause it. Look at your paycheck, and the taxes that are taken out of it. In the end some of it pays for a situation that you may very well end up in sometime in the future. Unless you are a woman that is and then you will end up in it anyway!

Women are sick and a disease unto themselves, personally I think that many of them need help that I cannot, and if I could, will not give. I have tried to help them, for years and they refuse. They would rather wallow in their misery, and blame either me or Men, or life in general than to stand up on their own two feet and accept the fact that they are wrong or at least made a mistake. That’s rather independent of them to do so.

In the end, I am still Lost, and so are my Sons. This isn’t entirely womens, or her fault. However the choice itself was hers, and it still is to reunite me with my children. It is entirely upon a womans choice to either deny or allow you time with your children, and in turn this is what creates the problem.

We are all members of the Human race and as one, I realize that we all have asperations, hopes, dreams and ideals that we strive to attain.  Some hope to become a doctor or achieve a high postion in society, yet others simply hope to have a house with a yard and money in the bank.  My hopes are quite simple compared to these really.  Hope is the one thing that has kept many a person alive in dark times, and is one of the few things that I still retain in the darkness that I dwell in.  A proverbial/metaphorical light that I can focus on.  It keeps me going even when times are tough.  It allows me to dream of a better day, for both me and my children. 

     Life is a hard experience especially in the cold wasteland where I live.  Happiness is a rarity as well, thats why it’s valued so much.  The experiences that I have gone through, while definitely not singular by any means, are quite scarring to say the least.  I have seen a few of my friends, commit suicide over the mere fact that they have lost their children.  No attention is given to these Men or the root problem of it all whatsoever.  My point in all this is that they lost their hope.  There was no point in going on for them anymore, so they chose the cold embrace of Death and its merciful release from the burden of Life.  I cling to my Hope, that one day this nightmare will all be over.  That one day, I will be able to talk to my Sons about their lives, and relate to them why I wasn’t there for them when they needed me.  I stubbornly refuse to let go of their memory, and in my mind they are still the children they were when I was ripped away from them and was forced to be a slave. 

     So many people take their children for granted.  All I have left is memories of little feet running around me, the constant laughter of my children, and precious moments that constantly flash through my mind.  Moments like when they first said my name and called me Da.  Moments when they told me they “wuved” me as I put them to bed.  These are the few things that keep me going.  Sometimes I wonder if women dangle out hope like they do our children,  to do just that, to keep us going so we can pay their bills for them.  Ahh well it is inevitable, a part of the human condition to hope as well as to hate.

     I don’t know what I will do if this moment occurs, but I do hope that, that moment in the future will happen.  Perhaps one day, I too will recieve a hug and hear the words “Father, I am home.”

-Strength and Honor-   

Oftentimes when I get off of work, I like to drink beer and lots of it. Sometimes I will go out and drink it, other times I will sit here and compose blogs, listen to music or read and do the same. Several of the commentors on my blog have asked me if this was the reason that I have ended up in the situation that I am in today. Others have asked me on occassion, “why do I drink so much”? Don’t I know that its “bad” for me? Don’t I know what it will do to me in the future? My answer is as it always has been,”Of course I do”. As to the why I will get to that.

Why I drink so much, is to keep my mind and body numb. I drink like this so I don’t have to remember that I have 2 kids out there that probably miss the hell out of me, and blame me for my absence. To be numb isn’t to be happy, however it is something that I desire. I desire to live without the burden of the emotions that rage within me. I desire the cold outlook that life requires of you when dealing with modern-day woman. Living with the conflicting emotions that occur when your children are stolen from you is mentally fatiguing to say the least. The feelings sadness, anger, rage, hopelessness, worthlessness, desperation, and grief that come with it are all-encompassing and total. It overwhelmed me then and still continues to this day. To have your children removed from your life, is like having your teeth pulled without anesthetic, it HURTS for a long time. It’s like having an arm amputated, it’s painful, its gone, sometimes it feels like its there, but it will never be the same again. Eventually you need something to kill the pain or the net result on your sanity will be detrimental.

When this first started, the pain that I felt from being separated from my kids, was accompanied with the knowledge that I would see them from time to time and that they would know who I am. They would know that I loved them very much. I knew in my mind that this wouldn’t last however people need something to hold on to in life and my children were one of the few things keeping me solvent and able to express emotions such as love and compassion. On the weekends I would drink a half-rack of beer, or go out to the bar with some friends and forget about it for awhile if I wasn’t seeing my children.

When my children were taken from me, things changed drastically and quite quickly. There was no compromise, no talking, no disscussion. One day they were here, the next they were in another state. The day I recieved that particular phone call, something snapped within me. I was tired of fighting over something that shouldn’t even be fought over. I was tired of the constant argument, when cooperation would have worked better for everyone. I was tired of the power-plays, and the complete hypocrisy of a system that refused to even recognize basic and fundamental human rights regarding men and their children.

I started drinking more and more in an effort to destroy the internal struggle inside of me. I started drinking on a daily basis. I drank to rid myself of the dreams that came at night. There were nights that all I desired was the fog that alcohol induced. Still I would wake with tears on my pillow and a stabbing pain in my chest. I wandered for a goodly time after that, in my mind that is, completely lost to the world. I managed to hold on to my job, and pay off my “child support” in the meantime. My mind was sodden with frustration, and confusion.

After a year or so of continuous heavy drinking and hard labor, my mind started to clear of the emotions that came with the separation. I started to realize that they weren’t coming back for a long time and I started to plan for my own future. I started to place 10% of what was left of my paycheck into a retirement fund. In short I choose to live at least for myself, in the hope that one day my children would return to me, and I would have a home to provide for them. My mindset changed, I went from a caring, outspoken, compassionate Man, to a person with a much colder and harsher outlook on life. I realized that several people were instrumental in keeping me from doing things that would result in my incarceration, or homelessness. I have given those people my trust, and whatever help they have desired that was within my power.

After all of this I have watched my children fade away from my life, I remain numb. To remain numb is still desirable for me. The sense of loss is still there, however when I look inside of myself, there is a thick wall between that loss and my daily life. Many have commented upon it, including family members. Not necessarily on how much alcohol that I consume, however that is remarked upon as well, but more on the mindset that I have attained. I simply don’t care. Whatever part of the human mind/soul that creates emotions/empathy is completely burnt-out. There is only so much you can do to a person and still expect them to have this aspect of their personality. I have my family, and friends and that is it. Women are regarded as complete non-entities anymore. Their opinions will recieve a polite nod as I go about my business. Their pleas for help recieve silence and dismissal, and their wants are disregarded as unimportant as mine were. This is a complete 180 from the person that I used to be.

I have had several relationships since then, and a few women that have claimed to “love” me and want to continue a meaningful relationship with me. I have tried and tried, but I simply cannot find a way to trust them, or care about them for that matter. They have become unimportant, and in the long run a severe risk. They are used, and thrown away much like I was. If they have money I take it and send them on their way, much like I was. Some have gotten angry, others have cried, still others have persisted, trying to break that wall. All have failed and I still don’t care. I don’t care about them, or their feelings anymore.

   We all choose our screen names for the most part for something that personifies who we are.  This is my name. 

REVELATION 9:11 They have as king over them, the angel of the Abyss; his name in Hebrew is Abaddon, and in the Greek he has the name Apollyon.

    This is the personification of my name.  I choose this name a long time ago, because in my view it personified my life, and strangely in a way it still does.  When I was younger (13-15) I had an intense fasination with all forms of religion, not to say that I was a believer, but from a scholarly point of view, curiosity.  I studied all forms of belief, Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Buddism, Taoism, the Greek Pantheon, Norse belief systems, Satanism, Indian Mythology, ect ect.  I was curious as to the differences in belief systems in both time and space and why these occured as they did and the similarities between all of them.

     In hebrew Abaddon/Apollyon, means Destroyer, and thats what I am and used to be.  I used to be the type of Man that you wouldn’t want to meet unless you had to.  Usually this involved dealings of an illicit nature, whether someone needed chastisement, or unlicensed pharmaceuticals, or other such things.  I lived in darkness, anger, crime, and violence from an early age.  This is not to say that I didn’t experience the brighter side of life either, however, that period, much like the summers where I live, was short and ended abruptly. 

     Abaddon is also a place.  It is the abyss, or a compartment of Gehenna.  It is personified as a place of death, or absolute cold.  Cold is viewed in a religious context as the absence of God.  I live in such a place both literally and figuratively.  I deal with -10 - -40/50 on a daily basis for a goodly portion of the year and I work in it, hard physical labor for 40-50 hours a week.

      In many religious texts, Abaddon, is viewed as both an ally and enemy of Heaven and Hell.  He is a fallen angel, with one wing flung torwards the heavens and the other steeped in blood and withered by fire.  I identify with that archtype/idea.  That is me.

     Previously I said that I was a destroyer.  In my earlier years, I destroyed the physical.  In the present, I destroy mindsets, and viewpoints, that are in my view, destructive, and pointlessly circular, and harmful to the people that hold them.  I am both your ally and your enemy, I am not your friend. I am the one that holds the Keys to your own personal abyss, and hopefully one day, you will be free of it.

-Strength and Honor-